Since I have the longest running marriage out of all the employees here at YCIS I felt it was my duty to pass on my knowledge of how to achieve and maintain a successful marriage while living in an EPL world.  I have chronicled years of successes and failures into lists of “what to do”, “what not to do”, and helpful suggestions that I have found priceless in the ongoing battle of wife versus football.  I have taken quotes from great thinkers and writers to formulate what I have deemed the YCIS Guide To Having A Happy Marriage In An EPL World!!

This weeks tip has to do with what not to do.

I know life is busy, but under no circumstances are you to ever try and record or TIVO your club’s match to watch later without knowing what the score is before you watch it.  By doing this you are forced to hand over your cell phone [mobile] to your wife so that you don’t find out the score from one of your friends.  This immediately puts your wife a situation that she will fail.

Case in point: I tried doing this last week when Newcastle United played Swansea City.  I watched the match after it had already been played.  I didn’t know the score and so I gave my wife my phone so that I didn’t see any incoming text from my mates. My wife, being the wonderful and caring women she is, saw that we lost and took it upon herself to try and salvage what she knew going to be a shite rest of the day by simply saying:

“Now no matter what happens I want you to try and have a good attitude this afternoon.”

That simple statement seemed to make every goal that Swansea scored that much more painful.  Which in turn made me that much more pissed.  The level of madness I felt then turned into pain as the dinning room chairs seemed to jump out of my way as I walked passed leaving me with welts on the tops of my feet.

So again fellow married, men do not ever attempt to record your match to watch later without knowing the final outcome.  There are too many risks.

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