1) Jamie Vardy’s academy for non-league talent has its first player offered a professional contract. We’re not sure if it’s a soccer contract or a party contract. 2) Raheem Sterling says Manchester City must become more “streetwise” if they are to challenge for honors next season. Is this on or off the pitch? 3) Cristiano Ronaldo may have just been offered the best contract ever, free beer for life.
1) Brisbane Roar has been fined by the AFC for not providing proper meals for a group of Champions League match officials. Who wouldn’t demand lobster twice a day? 2) An Argentine football player has caused outrage after admitting that he used a needle to hurt opposing players. What a prick! 3) Newcastle is named the fastest growing soccer brand in the world. Mike Ashley’s underwear line must be a hit! 4) Claudio Ranieri almost missed out on Nantes due to his age! We claim ageism. 5) We are treated to a visit from an old friend, Dr. Brown.
1) The Messi Experience Park, a theme park dedicated to Lionel Messi, will open in China in 2019. Can’t wait to ride the “nutmeg”. 2) Manchester City VIPs will receive pre-match tactical briefings from Pep Guardiola’s backroom staff before every home game. We would rather be around the post match drinking contest. 3) Does the MLS need a villain to help drive popularity? 4) A Bulgarian defender swigs beer that was thrown at him during a match. Best part, it ended up being just the boost he needed 5) Our “Get to Know the Yanks” asks, “Who do you want to play on Boxing Day?”
1) Mario Balotelli has a plan for becoming the next Ballon d’Or winner and it’s MURDER! 2) Plans for new Canadian Premier League approved. We hope they know there is no ice involved. 3) Juventus star Paulo Dybala has claimed that he’s become so good in part because of the film Gladiator. He loves himself the classics. 4) Grimsby fans hire mariachi band as a protest. 5) Our “Get to Know the Yanks” asks, “Which superhero would you pick as your inspiration?”
1) LA Galaxy are ready to launch an X Factor style TV show in a bid to unearth British soccer talent. Catch phrase? “You’re sacked” 2) Sam Allardyce favors the use of sin-bins during the match rather than retrospective action on divers. We’re good as long as the sin bins are filled with sharks. 3) Stoke City manager Mark Hughes promises to bring sexy football to Stoke City through transfers. We vote for Matthew McConaughey 4) MLS referee uses vanishing spray to fend off players. He is our hero 5) Our “Get to Know the Yanks” asks, “Which alcoholic beverage would you choose to be showered with and why?”
1) Stoke City have announced that they will be sponsoring their sleeves for next season’s shirt. What’s next, sponsored tassels? 2) Pep Guardiola showed up late to his post match press conference and blames Tony Pulis and red wine for his tardiness. Were they playing a drinking game? 3) Jordan Henderson reveals an epic Luis Suarez injury story which just adds to his folklore and the reason why we all want him on our team. And it has nothing to do with eating people! 4) A restaurant owner has revealed how Conte spies on his players when they’re out and about. Sounds more like the Corleones. 5) Our “Get to Know the Yanks” is dreaming of holidays.
1) Hulk, who was accused of hitting a assistant coach in CSL, denies any wrongdoing by saying “I like Chinese people”. He followed that up with, “Why do you keep talking about my green skin? 2) Manchester United and Arsenal stars were slammed for hugging tunnel before a match. Reverse mind games, or just a bit too friendly? 3) Bastian Schweinsteiger claims that he is struggling to adapt to ‘huge difference’ between MLS and Europe as he admits frustration at lack of quality. In other obvious news… 4) Should there be punishment for over-showboating players? We think so. 5) Our “Get to Know the Yanks” looks at something that we did that other thought we couldn’t and were shocked that you actually did! And no, it’s not podcasting our guilty pleasure. We’re referring to food folks, get your minds out of the gutter.
1) David Moyes has been labelled ‘the energy vampire’ as the life has officially been sucked out of Sunderland. So that’s why he’s got a “dark room”! 2) Fans have been known to spark outrage by throwing objects on the field during play, but is it outrage when it is so creative? 3) In Germany they have created the world’s coolest Kindergarten – inside the stadium of F.C. St. Pauli. Where’s the enrollment form? 4) Even though Zlatan may have a career ending injury, at least he got his latest fragrance line launched in time! 5) Our “Get to Know the Yanks” looks at something that we did that other thought we couldn’t and were shocked that you actually did! And no, it’s not podcasting.
1)Chelsea fans are outraged as it is leaked that Thibaut Courtois missed the Manchester United match because of an injury sustained in shooting a commercial…playing basketball 2) Shanghai Shenhua fans furious with an “injured” Carlos Tevez for going to Disneyland during match. Maybe the lines were short! 3) Slaven Bilic admits West Ham’s season has tripled his budget on furniture, but may have landed him a few new sponsors 4) Soccer club owners can be fit and proper as business men, but should they take a soccer acumen test? 5) Our “Get to Know the Yanks” looks at superstitions, ours and others.
1) Former Bayern Munich manager Ottmar Hitzfeld has suggested that English doctors are sub par. His cure? Magical fingers 2) Sam Allardyce admits it is impossible to ‘bully’ teams due to tackling rules. Has he turned to cyber bullying? 3) Patrick van Aanholt claims former Crystal Palace manager Alan Pardew tried to tap him up while he was taking a throw-in. We hope that means something different than what it sounds like. 4) Edinson Cavani demands PSG add a few sweeteners to his contract before he agrees to an extension. What lavish things could he possibly want? 5) Our “Get to Know the Yanks” is all about skeletons in the closet…the type you wear.
1) Watford owners have urged manager Walter Mazzarri to speak more English in press conferences. Isn’t this racist? 2) Leicester City boss Craig Shakespeare has revealed how he talked striker Jamie Vardy out of quitting football to become a party rep in Ibiza. Miss opportunity for Vardy? 3) Saido Berahino has claimed the eight-week drug ban he served earlier this season came as a result of his drink being spiked in a nightclub. Did he try and date rape himself too? 4) Fans vote “Footy McFooty Face” as name of new San Diego football team. Our apologies from the Yanks to the rest of the world 5) Our “Get to Know the Yanks” discusses the plan to send David Beckham to the international space station.